Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
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