No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Randomize
