you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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