Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Randomize
