All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
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