I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
