explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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