Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I will be naked everywhere
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
