my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
