Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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