Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
