I want to have your abortion
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
