You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
