I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
So vagazzling was a success
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Randomize
