He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
