like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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