Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
