it's too hot outside to masturbate.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
