I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
