did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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