ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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