So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
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