Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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