Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
