so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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