I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Randomize
