Where are you?
In a non slutty way
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Randomize
