I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
