Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
