What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
