I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Randomize
