the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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