Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
