if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
