Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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