it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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