a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
