The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
