my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Randomize
