Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
Randomize
