party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
