I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
