Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
