haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
