I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
