I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
