Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
