dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
