she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
Randomize
