WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
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