I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
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