My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
