Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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