everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
